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Saw the neurologist today. It’s was a new doctor because the one we were seeing had to leave. I always have anxiety when I change doctors. But I’m really happy after this appointment. I felt that she really listened to me. Getting an EEG and as long as that’s normal I’ll start tapering off the lamical. I’m really happy about this. I’ve wanted it to go for a while but was always worried about being able to drive. This doctor is going to taper it down slow and because of that I can keep driving. 😊 Looking forward to getting rid of some meds I don’t think I need any more. She is also making a change with my migraine meds. Tapering out the neurontin which wasn’t very helpful. Switching to long acting topamax. The long acting is new and gives me a potentially good option. I tried the short acting and it was fantastic for the migraines but the side effects were awful. The long acting has less side effects so I’m going to try it. Keeping my fingers crossed there.

I’ve spent most of the day crocheting. Trying to make a capelet for Dragon. I’ve got something going and the more I work on it the more excited I get about it. There have been so many ideas and projects swirling in my head. I’m on fire. Makes me sad to know that I can’t work on all of them at once. And this kind of activity means I’m on an up swing. I haven’t slept since 2000 on Sunday. And I don’t feel tired. 😓 not looking forward to the inevitable wall that I will crash into. But for now, I am trying to keep myself on task and realistic. Feel I’ve done well with that today. And I always have Monkey to help me. He’s an amazing support and I am so blessed to have him in my life. He helps me just by being there and giving me his love. It is a life line to hold into. Been a lot of bumps in the road in the past year, but I stayed together. I’ve been trying to focus on the positive things in my life. So I’ve started including something I am grateful for in my journal enteries. Today? No, I didn’t get all mushy. I am thankful for the yarn. Being able to make things is amazing. Such a blessing in my life.

I hope all of you are doing well.

Hold onto you gratitude.

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Day Off


Spent all night and then today crocheting. Working on figuring out making a capelet for Dragon. Been a pain in my ass. Seems like everything I’ve tried so far has been a total fail. Been frustrating but great fun. I love the challenge. I haven’t had to work this hard to make something in a long time. But at this rate it will be summer before I’m done. And well that’s not the weather for a capelet. So I have to pick up the pace and get this to work. I’m loving it. 😊

Self Inspiration


Not everything is about you. When other people are rude or inconsiderate, it isn’t about you. Everyone has bad days and everyone struggles. Don’t allow their negative moments become part of you. And sometimes bad things happen. You can do everything right and bad things will still happen. That’s part of life. Take responsibility for your part in the outcomes you reach, but consider also that many things are not under your control. Choose to move forward rather then dwelling on the negative. Read the rest of this entry

Personal Revolution


Many of say that we wish the world was a better place, that we were better people or that we had a better life. But the truth is that we have the power to do all of those things simply by choosing how we live our lives every day. By focusing on the choices we make, we take all the power into ourselves which unto itself is a radically different way to engage with the world. What holds us back is the sense of safety and security that “sameness” offers. But this is an illusion.

“To put it still more plainly: the desire for security and the feeling of insecurity are the same thing. To hold your breath is to lose your breath. A society based on the quest for security is nothing but a breath-retention contest in which everyone is as taut as a drum and as purple as a beet.” ~Alan Watts

Let your breath go.

Stop waiting.

Stop clinging to this illusion.

This illusion is distracting you from the following 3 truths: everything is interconnected; you are the world and the world is in you; and you are independent because you are interdependent upon a healthy environment. Otherwise your independence is nothing more than a tool for your ego and your ego is nothing more than a pawn for this unhealthy clinging to illusion.

The first step in claiming your freedom is understanding that everything is connected. All that exists is woven together into one being. Nothing can change or move through existence without effecting the things around it. Things cannot be created without something being destroyed. One cannot speak without being heard. You cannot love without others.

“In order to understand the world, one has to turn away from it on occasion.” ~Albert Camus

Each of us must take the time to pull back from our day-to-day grind and ask our selves if our choices are taking us along the path we wish to follow. What kind of person are we becoming? What truths are we embracing? Nothing inside us matters as much as the actions that we choose to take. Each day we shape our reality with the immense power of choice. Knowing that these choices effect this reality is an opportunity to create the reality we desire.

Embrace your imagination. Humans have never created anything with out first imagining it. Without taking the time to imagine who you can become, how you can effect the world and the reality you wish to live in you can never bring these things into being. Choose acceptance over anxiety. Accepting things as they are is not the same as desiring or moving towards keeping them unchanged. Because here’s the secret: everything changes. When we say to ourselves “nothing ever changes” we are embracing an illusion. Accepting this ever flowing change allows you to swim in the water. Anxiety results from the fear of the unknown. To avoid this feeling, we tell ourselves that things are always the same and embrace the illusion of “sameness.”

Allow the Divine to come into your life. Being spiritual is a part of being human. This is allowing ourselves to be awed by the greater whole. Look up at the sky and see the stars for what they are. Imagine the immensity of the universe and let your self feel small. Then bring the universe into yourself and allow your self to become large. The approach to spirituality is different for each of us. Go to church. Pray. Gaze at the trees. Read. Contemplate. Reach out and connect to all that is bigger then yourself. Reach in and embrace the part of yourself that is tied in with this larger whole.

Now that you have pulled back from the world, look at where you live. Is your environment healthy? Create a home that inspires you to be something more and cultivates your imagination. Create a home that helps nourish your body, mind and soul. If any of the corners of this triad is left neglected you will struggle. Eat food that makes you feel well. Provoke contemplation and thought. Embrace the Divine.

The power of choice can never be taken from you or given away. Each day we move through our lives making choices without thought. Floating along on auto pilot. Move slow. Allow yourself the time to consider the choices you make. Then take the leap. Have faith in your ability to imagine and create.

Bring your passion with you. Stop looking for perfect. It doesn’t exist. Perfection is an illusion. Instead, accept things as they are and choose instead to strive towards something greater. Go to work and let your passion follow you. Let your work become a point of pride. Strive to always do your job well. Strive to shine on those around you. If you bring your passion with you, everything you do will be inspiring and bring joy. You can be passionate about anything. Instead of focusing on the tasks of your job, consider the service that you give. Giving to others is part of embracing the wholeness of our universe, a way of bringing in that which is larger than ourselves.

Live.

Love.

Laugh.

Vacation


Life has been busy, but I am currently on vacation which has been wonderfully lazy. I’ve spent most of the week listening to books, loafing and doing some crochet. Been nice to not have to work or rush around. The weather has been crappy. The ice has been evil, makes the roads crappy to drive on. Luckily I haven’t really had to go anywhere. Well, done some travelling but has been local. Read the rest of this entry

Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep


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Seems there is always a reason for me to be at work. But no, I don’t have a problem. I’m not a workaholic. I can quit whenever I want to. Really…

Yeah, anyway.

How are you guys all doing?

I’ve been feeling under the weather. Guts all gnarly. Tired. Not getting enough sleep.

New Year!


I Didn’t Know it Was PTSD- I thought it was BPD — STIGMA FIGHTERS


PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) is a disorder in which the person relives a traumatic event. Complex PTSD is a psychological disorder that is linked to repetitive, prolonged traumatic incidents. The trauma involves harm and/or abandonment by a caregiver, such as a parent or family member, or an interpersonal relationship that has an unbalanced power dynamic. People…

via I Didn’t Know it Was PTSD- I thought it was BPD — STIGMA FIGHTERS

Merry Xmas


 

I hope that all of you are having a wonderful holiday season!

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