The Wall


One of the things about ADHD that many people don’t know about is “the wall.” Well, that’s what I call it anyway. I go on screech for endless days and seem full of an eternal amount of energy. Until I’m not. And it comes sudden. I just hit this wall and then all I want to do is curl up in a hole and hide from the world. This cloud of apathy swallows me up and I find it a struggle to get just the every day things done. A deep, aching fatigue washes over me. For some reason, the world doesn’t recognize “the wall” as a valid reason for an impromptu vacation from life for a few days so I have to continue to slog through. The biggest part of the struggle is the complete oppositeness of it as compared to my every day state of being. Normally, my mind is full of racing and humming thoughts; so many that they are crashing into each other like out of control bumper cars. But once I’ve hit the wall, my mind gets enveloped in cotton. Everything is fuzzy, slow and soft around the edges. Things are so confusing and thinking is like turtles tip toeing with careful effort. I find it like being in an alien land scape. Luckily, these times come infrequently. But they come because our bodies can only push at the break neck speeds for so long before it throws on the breaks and demands that we slow the fuck down to get some rest. Today, I am staring at the wall. I wish I was home and in my chair where I could drool on myself in peace. I know these “crashes” or “downs” are a part of having ADHD, but it is so alien. I’ve been this way all my life and have never gotten used to it. I don’t think that I ever will. I hate it. Worst part is that even now, I have this internal restless drive to do something, to move. But there is no energy for it. No desire. It reaches almost to the same level as the compulsions. I get up and start something, but then I stop because I just can’t make myself. If I can, it is a slow plodding along. This is so hard to describe. Anyone else out there with ADHD want to share their experience with this? Help me describe what the other side is like.

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About piggie4299

I am Myself I am a Wife Blessed with love I am a Mother Endowed with divinity Through the power of creation I am a Daughter Brought into this world With unending hope And the promise of the future I am a Sister Made fierce and strong While forged with kindness Protector and protected Spiraling together forever I am a Nurse Holding out the hands of healing And offering the sick comfort And the dying love Knowing that through this All things are healed and made whole I am a Writer Creating myself and world Sharing the inner depths of humanity Bringing together the divine And the humble mortal I tell the story of the Goddess And am remembered forever

Posted on March 17, 2017, in mental health, The Pig's Life and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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