Body Messages


“Same girl, same day, same time.”

Source: Body Positive Blogger Uses Tights To Make Powerful Point About Before/After Selfies

Over all, I think this is a cool blog and has a great message. I think Millie is making great posts to demonstrate the point that the internet is a place of smoke and mirrors. I think that it is easy for anyone to get caught up into that and think that they need to be that. But no one is.

She makes a comment in one post that I disagree with. And I am sure that I am going to get some hate here, but I am going to say this any way. Because I am tired of this. If you dress in sexy clothing you are going to get sexual attention. PERIOD. People are going to look and make comments. Why are you dressing in sexy clothing if you are not looking for sexual attention? Don’t advertise what you aren’t selling. If you’re not looking for sexual attention don’t dress in a way that attracts it.

Now, I think that I have made enough posts here that you all know that I believe that there is never an excuse for abuse (of any kind). How you dress does not give someone permission to touch you and it does not mean that you are asking for sex. But the reality is that we do objectify each other. Both men and women do this. And a certain amount of this is both normal and healthy. There is nothing wrong with us seeing that we are physical beings. The problem is when we can’t see more then this or when we try to take ownership of each other.

This is why we take the time to do our hair, paint our nails, pick out the perfect tie, shine our shoes and so on. We want to look like and present ourselves well. Because our appearance does matter. We are physical beings in a physical world and that’s alright. Let’s embrace that. There is nothing wrong with being physical creatures. In many ways, these negative messages regarding the consideration of our physical selves is hurtful. It does not help with body image or healthy views on sex.

Cat calls and sleezy remarks? You’re wearing sexy clothing. If you don’t want someone to whistle at you or call out to you on the street: Don’t advertise what you aren’t selling. Why are you posting pictures of yourself in a state of partial undress if you don’t want someone to make sleezy comments? These kinds of pictures often border on pornographic and are definitely sexual in nature. Of course, people are going to make sexual comments. As long as they stop at cat calls and comments, there is no real harm done (assuming the comments are not abusive).

How someone is dressed does not justify sexual assault. Ever. In anyway. But the reality is that the clothing people wear has nothing to do with being sexually assaulted. Rape is about power. This is just a statistical fact. I can slap up a billion links here but I’m too lazy. Go to the internet and see for yourself. If sexy clothing caused rape, then beaches would be one of the most dangerous places in the world.

I think what these kinds of statements gloss over is the real problem in our world. Rape culture is real, all over the world, and it isn’t just women who are victims. This is the real problem. This is what we should be focusing on. How do we change the way that we talk about sexual crimes? How do we change the way that people view sexual consent and sexual crime? These are the things that matter. The cat calls, sleezy comments and double takes when you wear sexy clothing has nothing to do with sexual crime. That’s just people being attracted to people and being stupid about it. Because we’re stupid.

So, what is rape culture? This is stuff that happens to victims after a sexual crime. This is when a victim is blamed for the crime. When it is suggested or out right stated that the victim’s choices resulted in the assault. At the heart of this is fear. The fear starts with the assault itself and then stretches out into the culture around the victim. Rape is about power and that power is largely based upon fear.

It was the rapist’s choices that resulted in the assault. Not the victim’s. But some how things have gotten mixed up in our culture and in our efforts to protect each other we have forgotten who to blame. We constantly tell each other things to do in order to protect ourselves; a little check list. And when an assault happens, we go over that list to see what the victim missed. The truth? You can do everything right and bad things can still happen. Why? Because there are people out there doing bad things and you have no control over their choices.

As for teaching consent? I do not think it is the school’s place to teach consent. I am a parent, let me raise and parent my children. I am tired of the responsibilities of parents being shunted to the schools. This is not something for the school to teach. It is not their place. As a parent, it is my place to each my child ethics and moral values. I do not want the school to decide for me what those will be. If you want the culture to change, it will not happen because you make some educational program in schools. It will happen in the same way that views were changed about sexual orientation. People need to speak out and advocate.

This is terrifying and real. 1 in 5 American women survive rape or attempted rape. 1 in 6 men are sexually abused before the age of 18. But let’s not muddy the waters by becoming angry because people have a normal sexual response to your sexy clothing. We are sexual creatures. We need to be. It is alright to be. It is healthy to be. What we need to focus on is ensuring that sex is kept safe and healthy for all people rather then trying to erase sexual expression and normal sexual response.

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About piggie4299

I am Myself I am a Wife Blessed with love I am a Mother Endowed with divinity Through the power of creation I am a Daughter Brought into this world With unending hope And the promise of the future I am a Sister Made fierce and strong While forged with kindness Protector and protected Spiraling together forever I am a Nurse Holding out the hands of healing And offering the sick comfort And the dying love Knowing that through this All things are healed and made whole I am a Writer Creating myself and world Sharing the inner depths of humanity Bringing together the divine And the humble mortal I tell the story of the Goddess And am remembered forever

Posted on February 16, 2017, in mental health, Ramblings and Rants and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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