I was at work when I first got the news about grandpa. I was doing my usual puttering about when a co-worker told me that my husband had called. He doesn’t call me at work unless it’s important so, I called him right back. He let me know that my mom called about grandpa. So, I called her. It felt like I was play tag or chase with the damn phone. Mom told me grandpa wasn’t doing well, that he could die at any time. The gripping in my chest was intense. I didn’t want to cry, but as soon as I hung up my supervisor asked me if I was ok. Once he asked it was like thinking about how to answer the question turned on the tears. Stupid tears. I hate crying. All I could think about was that grandpa was going to die and that my mom was here while he was in another state. I wanted her to see him. So, when my supervisor said I could go home early I did. I felt like a mess inside anyway. We looked everything over and came to the conclusion that we could fly mom out. She decided to drive, but it was an offer I had to make. The hardest part was that there was nothing for me to do. Once I knew mom was on her way, there was nothing left for me to do for her. It felt like I should be helping some how, but there was nothing. It has always been hard for me to do nothing. I’m glad that mom got to see him before he died, that is super important to me. I’ve been present for the deaths of so many people and have helped numerous people through the grieving process. Having your loved ones there matters more then anything else for most people. I’m glad he got to see his children. I’m glad mom got to see him. For me, it’s kind of weird because I don’t have much in the way of memories of the man. I haven’t seen him since I was in junior high. I don’t feel that I really even knew the man. Mom should be home soon, if she’s not already. I am planning to go see her this week end and see if she needs anything… But for now, there is still nothing to do.