I want there to be meaning.

An answer

that I can discover
if I simply look hard enough

and in the right place.

An answer

to all the questions of the universe.

An answer

to everything

that has ever haunted me.


I want that meaning

to be something

that I can grasp up

and hold onto,

like a holy sword brandished

by the blessed and faithful knight.

But, I suppose that if there were answers,

that would mean that there was order

and purpose to this seeming chaos.

Meaning suggests

that I would have to accept

that I am beyond the understanding of it.

I suppose

that even if there is no meaning

that would be true.

The very idea

of everything simply being

without purpose

and without function…

seems so daunting.

What then of me,

if there is no meaning?

If there is nothing beyond this place…

I cut myself to bleed

and pour out my heart

in sordid blobs of dribbled poetry.

Maybe that’s all there is,

this bleeding.

Perhaps blood letting

will cleanse this wound.

I think I might need leeches,

to suck it out.

To pull out the poison

that darkens

and twists

my thoughts.

This inside my blood
that makes me afraid of the darkness.

It makes me tremble against the unknown.

Like a fragile leaf

carried on the wind

during an autumn gust.

I simply fall

and waft where it wills me.

And where ever it is,

that new resting place,

there too I shall bleed.


About piggie4299

I am Myself I am a Wife Blessed with love I am a Mother Endowed with divinity Through the power of creation I am a Daughter Brought into this world With unending hope And the promise of the future I am a Sister Made fierce and strong While forged with kindness Protector and protected Spiraling together forever I am a Nurse Holding out the hands of healing And offering the sick comfort And the dying love Knowing that through this All things are healed and made whole I am a Writer Creating myself and world Sharing the inner depths of humanity Bringing together the divine And the humble mortal I tell the story of the Goddess And am remembered forever

Posted on September 5, 2010, in Poetry, The Darkness... and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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