What I Lost and Want Back


My innocence. I couldn’t tell you the moment that it was gone, but I miss having it. There is a beauty in having wisdom and knowledge of the world, but there is something even more wonderful in the innocent hopefulness and joy that a child holds when regarding the world. I see that in my daughter and I often wonder if I ever had that. I honestly cannot remember a time that I looked at the world that way… There is a part of me that regrets having become so completely aware. I am knowledge hungry and read and learn about everything and anything. There is nothing in this world that is not interesting. But with all that knowledge there is a strange burden and there are days that I wish I could unpack and leave this luggage behind. I know a few people who have come into adulthood and have managed to retain that positive hopefulness of youth. I envy that.

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About piggie4299

I am Myself I am a Wife Blessed with love I am a Mother Endowed with divinity Through the power of creation I am a Daughter Brought into this world With unending hope And the promise of the future I am a Sister Made fierce and strong While forged with kindness Protector and protected Spiraling together forever I am a Nurse Holding out the hands of healing And offering the sick comfort And the dying love Knowing that through this All things are healed and made whole I am a Writer Creating myself and world Sharing the inner depths of humanity Bringing together the divine And the humble mortal I tell the story of the Goddess And am remembered forever

Posted on July 7, 2010, in Prompts and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. 7 Comments.

  1. divine…

    The dimension of zero we know from our childhood time and research of that dimension again is enlightenment, the real wealth of life that is happiness, happiness and happiness…………innocence of child….

    An enlightened master is one aware of this dimension of eternal happiness while living .
    Children are real enlightened masters ignorant about this fact while playing.
    Ignorance of this is blissfulness…..be that way……………….

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  2. I disagree. Just because I’m not aware of something doesn’t meant that it isn’t happening. Any happiness to be gained from ignoring a fact is superficial at best and an illusion at worst. If an event is happening that could have large implications for me, my family, or my way of life then I want to know every detail no matter what suffering it may cause me.

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    • I don’t disagree with you. And perhaps this post is misleading. I value knowledge above all other things. Knowing is what makes us human. Being self aware is what allows us to gain control over ourselves and our lives. It isn’t that I want to suddenly forget everything that I have learned. Those lessons were hard and undoing them would be a diservice to myself and those people that helped drag me through. But rather then letting that knowledge be a burden, a darkness that weighs on me, I wish that I could look around me and still see the wonder and the beauty in the world. I wish I could find hope. That simple belief in kisses making booboos better and holding someone’s hand keeping them safe. I wish I could have faith that there are still things worth having in this world, because most days I don’t. I suppose this might seem like a contradiction in ideas, but that’s how the dichotomy of my mind exists…

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      • I think I did misunderstand you. But I still think there is still great wonder in the world even after one looses their innocence. I suggest checking out Phil Plait’s Bad Astronomy blog. Every week he makes two or three posts about a stunning photo from the Hubble telescope then goes into great detail about how the image, while beautiful, also contains all this other amazing stuff that it blows my mind every time. Wonder does exist in the world, It’s just not always obvious.

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      • Maybe I should look harder 😉
        I try not to get so down on things, but I just get so hung up sometimes. I’ll have to check that blog out!! Wouldn’t happen to have a link for me, would ya?

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  3. Of course! http://bit.ly/czq9Td enjoy and good luck.

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